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How to let go of control and expectations in a relationship
Posted on October 7, 2017 by Psychic Ruby
How to let go of control and expectations in a relationship
Letting go of control and expectations in a relationship is one thing.
It is impossible for humans to exist without any type of relationship. All humans are in one form of relationships or the other. Examples of this include family relationships. Some are also in a relationship by virtue of living in the same neighbourhood or working together. There’s also the aspect of being in a romantic relationship. Specific threads run in all these different types of relationships. The threads have to do with gaining control and having expectations.
It’s normal to have expectations in any relationship that you’re in.
It is also normal to have some sort of control over any relationship.
Some people share their expectations with those they are in a relationship with. Other people keep their expectations to themselves. Similarly, some people are not afraid to show that they are in control while others hesitate for fear of not being seen as too overbearing. Striking the balance between these situations is a problem for many people. That explains why many people would like to know how to let go of control and expectations in a relationship. Firstly, it starts with yourself. If you are open and willing to accept that you maybe pushing people away or even your loved one as a result of your own controlling behaviour and high expectations take a read of our article on 21 reasons why you are pushing people away.
When loved ones cannot meet your expectations and you lose all control, anger takes over.
Again, that shows the importance of learning to cede a bit of ground.
Failure to let go can put you in serious problems. It can leave you struggling with pain when everybody else thinks you are happy. It can destroy friendships that took ages to build. It can destroy families that have been a long time in the making. It can turn your heart cold because you believe the other person you’re in a relationship with does not care. Failing to let go can mess your life.
So, here is what you should do to let go of control and expectations in your relationships.
- Approach Relationships with Zero Expectations
First, make sure that your need for controlling others and the expectations you have are:
- Built on solid foundations
Therefore, have zero expectations. This doesn’t mean you should go through life – and your relationships – with a laissez faire attitude. No, it simply means you are open enough and ready for whatever life throws your way. Live life with an open mind. Determine to go with the flow. Relationships are not based on what one party only does. They depend on what the two – or more – people who are in the relationships do.
Go through the relationships with the clear understanding of the unpredictability of humans.
Humans are not machines. Humans are not robotic. People wake up each morning with a fresh set of fears. People go through emotional rollercoaster. Do not be shocked – too shocked, that is – when the person you left yesterday feeling happy and excited about you suddenly shows up not wanting to speak with you. All these confusing habits are part of what it means to be in a relationship with another human.
- Avoid Trying to Control Everybody or Everything
Secondly, it’s impossible for a single human to be in complete control over everything.
Any person who tries to control everything will soon burn out. Such a person will not be helpful in the relationship. Ironically, such people end up losing the control they wanted to display in the first place. They end up disappointed to notice other people not giving as much as they do. They begin comparing themselves with others and realize that the relationship is not 50/50 as it should but only one party seems to be doing all the work.
At times, it is better to accept that your way is not the only option.
There are times when you will be better off accepting that another idea could just be as good.
- Be Flexible and Open-Minded
Third, flexibility is crucial for the success of any relationship.
Be flexible in all your relationships. Don’t just stick to one way of doing things. Be open to the idea that the other person also has feelings and thoughts that differ from yours fundamentally. Flexibility also involves a bit of detachment from the outcomes. Some people end up suffering greatly in relationships for the simple reason they have an unhealthy attachment to outcomes. If you are such a person, it will not be long before you begin suffering.
Open your mind to all the possible outcomes.
Do not be afraid to experiment.
Find a way of making yourself capable of adjusting where necessary.
For example, appreciate the fact your partner can cancel a dinner date at the last minute. Your partner does this – not out of disrespect to you – but probably because something more urgent came up. Do not throw a tantrum because somebody now asks to meet you later than the time you agreed on previously. Instead, use the additional time that’s now in your hand to do something else.
Effect of Letting Control and Expectations Go
Anybody who takes any of the measures prescribed here will soon begin enjoying healthier relationships all through. Taking the measures highlighted above is the first step to repairing a friendship or relationship that has been on the rocks for a long time. While following this piece of advice, remember not to appear or act indifferent. It is so easy to make the situation worse even when your intentions are sincere and pure.
Therefore, stop expecting others to think or behave like you.
Stop thinking that you are too superior to everybody else.
Forgive those who hurt you. Do not hold grudges in your heart towards anyone.
Remember to live open-minded. Approach all your relationships with an open-mind.
After all, life is not a series of straight lines. It is replete with interruptions, twists and turns.
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